If you’ve been following the site, then it’s no surprise to you that I’m going through the post-breakup phase. After every breakup I’ve had, I always wondered: how will I know when I’m ready to go back out into the dating world?
It’s not the easiest thing to do; you grow accustomed to your relationship and former partner and going back to dating strangers is not the easiest of accomplishments. However, it’s something that needs to happen at some point, and it’s best to do it only once you feel ready.
So how do you know if you’re ready to join the dating world? Let’s go through some tell-tale signs below! (And yes, I’m most definitely at that point already.. :))
Give yourself time
It’s a bad habit to start dating or hooking up right after a breakup. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself and it’s mostly harmful and hurtful. For starters, I felt like I was cheating even though I was no longer in the relationship. But that odd feeling made it clear that I was just not ready to date yet.
Trying to get over someone by getting involved with someone else is not a good way to move on… it may seem like an easier strategy but in my past experience, it increased the amount of time it took to get over my ex. I was distracted, sure, but I wasn’t letting myself heal properly so the healing took a lot longer.
This time around, I gave myself time. I was patient and let myself heal. It was so much better.
Reach a point of closure
I think we’ve all heard about the 7 stages of mourning, and they are also very relevant when it comes to breakups. A breakup is not just the loss of a relationship, it’s the complete loss of the person that you came to grow and love. It’s similar to their death in a sense, because you are no longer speaking to them, and they *should* not be part of your life anymore.
Post-breakup, give yourself the morning time and space… go through the different stages and reach the point of acceptance or closure. Once you reach it, you will know it.. the pain and sadness will subside, you will accept that the relationship is in the past, and maybe you will be excited about the concept of meeting someone new.
You’re not missing your ex nearly as much
The first month is rough… from talking and seeing each other constantly, you suddenly have no communication whatsoever. You will find yourself desperately missing your ex but hopefully, you stood your ground and didn’t stay in touch. (As tough as it is, it’s best for the sake of moving on).
Now you’re reaching a point of not missing him every waking moment.. little by little, you start to not even think much about him at all. At some point, entire days can pass without you spending even a second reminiscing about your relationship.
That’s your sign – you’re ready to move forward.
You’re beginning to feel attracted to others
Post-breakup I was not feeling attracted to anyone… I went out partying and got hit on a lot, which was a great boost for self-esteem. But I just wasn’t feeling these guys – even the ones who looked great or like my type.
My lack of interest was not random. It’s really difficult to go from a monogamous relationship where you show your attraction and love to only one person, to feeling the sexual chemistry and attraction with others.
How did I know I was ready to move forward? When I found myself checking guys out. I happen to live in a country where there are many fit men (thank God) and I can now enjoy them as I did a few years back. The excitement of meeting new men and the thrill of flirtation is back, and that is awesome!
You find yourself enjoying “you” again
To me, this is the most important sign. We lose a part of ourselves after a difficult breakup, and we need to re-define who we are. It’s common to give ourselves completely to the relationship (especially us ladies), placing our friends to the side as well as our own hobbies. Now it’s time to reclaim our own life and interests!
The first thing I did when I broke up? I went straight back to exercising. I love to exercise but I stopped during my relationship because his laziness spread on to me, and I preferred to spend my free time with him. Well, I signed right back up to my classes and I love how I’ve been feeling physically since my breakup.
I’ve reached the point where I feel happy being single and being myself again. I’m going out, enjoying time with friends, doing things I love. It’s amazing to put myself first again. It also means I can safely go back into dating – I’m now doing it for myself rather than for the need of a rebound.